Do not taunt things with horns

This is why you don't run with bulls.
The rare double-goring.

Be warned, these linked photos can be stomach churning for those with easily churned stomachs (seriously not joking).

I'm It

What a busy past couple of months. First off, I'm married. Secondably, I'm a home owner. Both are incredible, and both demand large chunks of my dwindling gold.

I'll probably post a lot more abut both in the future, but first things first: I done been tagged.

First and Last

First Memory: My dad claims to remember his birth. I'm not so unfortunate. My first memory is coming home with my father after my sister was born. I was almost 3.

First Real Kiss: I'm not sure exactly what is meant by this question, but I assume it means more than a schoolboy dare. I kissed a couple in elementary, but Michelle Blaine was probably my first victim.

First Concert: With my parents: Chicago. I made them leave halfway through the show because the two broads sitting to my left were smoking like chimneys. Sans parents: Ben Folds Five. At the Palladium in L.A. I think my mom still regrets letting me go.

First Love: Ashlee Brooke Johnson-Beauchamp. It sounds like I'm trying to avoid a confrontation with my new bride, but that assumption is false. For much of my youth I didn't believe in the reality of romantic love. I had a girlfriend tell me she loved once and I told her flatly, "No you don't." Cold.

First crush: Terri something-or-other in Kindergarten. We used to play blocks together.

First thing you think in the morning: "How did the Dodgers do last night," or, if the Dodgers didn't play, "What do I have to do today?"

First book you remember loving: "Maniac MaGee." I also loved "Sideways Stories from Wayside School."

First pet: A goldfish I won after throwing a ping pong ball into its bowl. Its name was Flash.

First question you'll ask in Heaven: I guess I'd ask if creation was a literal six days or if days were used figuratively. I'd also ask Jesus about the three days between his death and resurrection.

First thing you think of when you hear the word vacation: How many Dodgers games can I go to? The second thing is Bakers, the third thing is In-N-Out (get the fries Animal Style).

First best friend: First grade. David Jenkins at McKinley Elementary in Redlands, Calif.

Last time you dressed up: May 26 in Olathe, Kan. I wore a black tux with a white shirt and a cream-colored vest and bow tie.

Last CD you bought: I bought the latest White Stripes album on iTunes, but the last actual disc I bought was Alice in Chains' "Nothing Safe: Best of the Box."

Last book you read: I finished Cormac McCarthy's "No Country for Old Men" last week (again). I am currently reading the biting, hilarious, spot-on "White Noise" by Don DeLillo. No, it's not the source material for the horror movie.

Last time you cried: Cried? I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it. All right, my eyes watered a bit at the wedding but only because I allowed it to happen.

Last movie you saw: I guess it was "Ocean's 13." It was much better than "12" but nowhere near "11."

Last time you told someone you loved them: My wife is with me; I just told her.

Last really funny thing you did: I thought it was funny, but it was also a little cold. This older lady at my parents' church in California was talking with Ashlee and I after services. She was wearing some polyester blouse with wild colors in some odd, distinctly old lady pattern. For some reason Ashlee told her she really liked her shirt. This sent the very kind and sweet blue hair into a tizzy about how her favorite store went out of business. She said she bought all of her clothes there. I quipped, "I wonder why it went out of business." (But I made it sound like it had a ? at the end rather than a .)

Last thing you watched on TV: DVD of "Arrested Development."

Last Halloween costume: Ashlee and I went to her social club's fall function, which had a Halloween theme. I put on a white t-shirt we had written the words "East Germany" on, and she threw one on that said "West Germany." We fashioned a brick wall out of cardboard paper and kept it between us the whole night. At the end of the function, as we sat around a bonfire, we ceremoniously tossed our wall in the fire. It was our finest moment as a couple.

Last Concert attended: I saw Coldplay in Dallas in 2005 with Ashlee. They covered Johnny Cash; it was a good show. I want to go see Counting Crows in Tulsa this month, but I'll probably miss out.

As it hasn't been updated in a couple of months, I doubt anyone still reads my blog. But if they ever do, I'll tag:
Renee Lewis
Rick Butler